Name’s Eastwood, Frodo Eastwood

I don’t like guns in fantasy MMO’s. I just can’t wrap my head around it. Here’s why:

Imagine Lord of the Rings without Pippin and Merry. Why? Because they had been shot by Farmer Bolger on one of their mushroom heists. Or at least shell shocked and unable to help Frodo and Sam.

Imagine Bree and The Prancing Pony. The ring wraiths / desperados are stepping into the bar wearing a full cowboy outfit, each of them with a pair of six shooters made by Samwise Colt. Doesn’t matter if they’d get the hobbits or not, it’s just mind boggling.

Now to Rivendell where the ring is presented to the future fellowship. Gimli pulls his revolver, shoots at the ring and sends it in a high arc off into the waterfall. End of story.

Given to Frodo by BilboOf course Bilbo will hand Frodo his mithril shirt and his pair of duel pistols with ebony grips named Right and Left.

Moria! They’d never escape Moria. The goblins would be armed to their teeth with muskets and perhaps a cannon or two and no need for cave trolls. Those brittle walls would have crumbled to dust from all the cannon balls and all the ricocheting bullets.

Lothlórien would be filled with elven sharpshooters and their spotters camouflaged in the bushes. Forget the notion of a quiet enchanted forest. The noise from the shooting range alone would be deafening.

Eomer's Cavalry was equipped with Gatling Guns How about Helm’s Deep being defended by musketeers? It would probably work, until some fire arrows hit the building where the powder is stored. No need to send the bomb into the gully. The day will be saved by Éomer’s cavalry coming down the hill, revealing a battery of Gatling guns once the canvas are pulled off their wagons.

There are more occasions where things can go wrong when using fire arms in Middle Earth. Likely scenarios include the main characters getting killed in the crossfire someplace. You can get some comic relief from Merry and Pippin having used their single shot pistols and starting to use them to bash their opponent’s heads. Tragedy can be introduced by Samwise being unable to load his pistol, being way to nervous with his beloved Frodo under attack. It ends with him emptying his powder horn in one clumsy move and again a pistol being used as a club.

And finally at theMountainofDoom, how would you like an ending with Frodo  shooting Gollum in the back after his finger got bitten off. Good thing it wasn’t his trigger finger. But now Frodo has to live with shooting a man in the back. What a hero.

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